Just me here!

I have not been blogging like I used to and have been ignoring it on purpose too. I have been caught up in a haze of anger, worry, sadness, depression, feelings of why? for about two months. It was out of my control and the circumstances were out of my control as well.  I didn't ask for it too!  It just happened.

I can't believe how I have let things in my own life and my house just go. I am sick of being overwhelmed by my house. It is not the cleanest today and the counters have clutter on them. The only thing I can manage to do is tackle my laundry (but I have a mountain already waiting to be folded) and the bathrooms. I did clean my hallway floors yesterday. No one comes over anyways so why bother, right?

So.. last week I had an epiphany. I decided that I needed to be happy and worry about ME and my well-being. I needed to be me. I had a little wake me up call last week or a jolt to get me out of this haze. I monitor my students' emails on a program. Just so they are appropriate. One student wrote that I have been getting meaner to another. I can't describe how I felt. I was shocked and numb. And of course, very sad..  I have become one of those "mean" teachers. It really crushed me because one thing I am not is mean. Or at least I feel like I am not mean.

First thing I did was that I started going to bed early and just relax by reading the Ensign and or checking the internet.  I decided that in my mind. I just needed to be happy . When I started feeling down or upset this week, I said a prayer. It has helped. One of my friends told me that it was a long time since she heard me laugh when I laughed last week. It's sad that she was right. I was happy for a couple days last week.  Don't know how I will fill next Sunday but I am progressing and moving forward.